My Locked Mind
by Sabyn1993
Summary: Who has never wanted to know the real reason Edward refused to change Bella? He didn't want anyone to know, but too bad he didn't keep everything in his locked mind instead of writing it down. Come for a little tour in Edward's mind. One-Shot.


**This story has been in my head just as I came into the fanfiction universe, even before I started to write 'Moving On'. So imagine, how long that makes it. I've always wanted to find a reason to why Edward didn't want to change Bella. I didn't believe in the 'soul excuse', so here it is. I've been thinking about writing this long ago, but I was wondering how to put it. I finally found the perfect way. So, onward!**

"I won't take your soul, Bella. Stop insisting," Edward repeated for the millionth time. We were again having this discussion and as always, I wasn't winning. Instead, he kept using the 'soul excuse'. I arrived home, mad as always, and he didn't bother asking me if he should stay. He left and I went straight in my room, thinking of some of the reasons, he might not want to change me. I could think of plenty and many revolved around the fact that he didn't want to be stuck with me forever. I understood, but I would be grateful if he could at least tell me instead of making me think it was in my interest.

The next day, I was lying in bed when the phone rang. It was eight in the morning and I wondered who had nothing better to do at that time than calling people. I got out of bed and went downstairs, picking the phone immediately.

"Hello?" I asked mechanically.

"Hey, Bella. Everyone's gone hunting and I'm bored here. Do you mind coming over?" Emmett. I guess I got my answer.

"No, of course not. I'll just take a shower and head there. See you in one hour."

He groaned. "Can't you come quicker? What am I supposed to do for one hour?"

"Um… I don't know. What do you do usually?" I asked.

"I play the Xbox."

"Then do that till I come. I'll be as quick as possible."

"See you then," he said and hung up.

I went upstairs and took a quick shower. Emmett did that sometimes: he would call me at odd hours and tell me to come over. Most of the time we ended up playing a game where he found out about all the embarrassing moments of my life; but what surprised me was that he would never tell anyone what we talked about. I'm sure because Edward would have teased me about my phobia of clowns if he knew. Who knew Emmett could keep a secret?

I dressed up in jeans and a shirt and went outside. I hopped in my truck and began driving, pleased with myself. It would take less than fifteen minutes to arrive there. Right on cue, twelve minutes later, I was on the steps of the mansion. I entered right away, not bothering to knock.

"Bella!" Emmett's booming voice greeted me before I was pulled into a hug.

"What do we do now?" I asked. He smiled mischievously.

"Well, I was thinking that we could search Edward's room," He said.

"You mean: go through his things," I clarified.

"Yep," He nodded.

"Okay."  
"Really?" He sounded surprised. "I thought you'd disagree."

"He'll never know."

He grinned as he led the way. "I'm glad Edward didn't kill you in Biology the first day. You're fun."

"Why, thank you, Emmett," I said sarcastically. We got into Edward's room and Emmett began his 'search' as I sat on the bed. He looked under Edward's bed for a few minutes doing I had no idea what, until he burst out laughing. He hit his head with the bed and it shook under me.

"Ow!" He cried.

I blinked. "Are you kidding me? Did you seriously get hurt?"

"No," he said as he got from under the bed. "I said that for effect."

I noticed a small box in his hand. "What have you got?" I asked. He chuckled and threw the box at me. It landed on my lap and I gasped. Condoms.

"Well at least you know he plans on offering you his virginity."

I blushed furiously as I looked down. If only that could be true. Emmett began searching in the drawers. "You could help me," He said.

I sighed as I opened one of the drawers closest to the bed. There was a small copybook that I had never seen before in it. I took it out and traced my fingertips on the smooth, black cover.

"What is it?" Emmett asked as he came to sit next to me. I didn't reply as I opened the copybook, and was greeted by Edward's handwriting.

_The three-day transformation ended and Bella woke up, looking more breathtaking than ever. She had grown some inches and her hair was a bit longer. She looked around her and when she looked at me, I stopped breathing. It was all too good to be true; I couldn't believe that I got to keep Bella forever. I couldn't believe that this Goddess was mine._

"_Edward?" She said in a high-pitched voice, and I closed the distance between us to hug her tightly; at least now I could use all my strength without the fear of breaking her. She wrapped her arms around me and though I would have preferred not to admit it, it hurt. I pulled back slightly and said, "You're too strong for me, darling." She giggled; that fact seemed to please her. _

_She placed a hand on the side of my face and leaned in to place a gentle kiss on my lips. I wrapped my arms around her once again and kissed her back not so gently. So much time of restraint and self-control vanished as soon as I was able to kiss her properly. _

_Time passed very quickly. From her first hunt to her first encounter with humans, Bella was doing great. She had assimilated the lifestyle of vampires in a small amount of time. Still, there was something that was bothering me. At first, we couldn't get enough of each other, physically as well as emotionally. We spent all our time together, but lately, she had become rather independent. She went out for long hours and when she came back, she preferred hanging out with my siblings. Rosalie seemed to be better company than me. Yes, their relationship had developed and they were close now. __Rose figured eternity as somehow too long to be angry towards someone and erased all hostility towards Bella. Maybe it was a girl thing. Whatever it was, it was bothering me. _

_It had been weeks now and Bella was still distant towards me. I tried to kiss her yesterday but she seemed reluctant. I asked her what was wrong but she wouldn't tell me; she said it was nothing. How could it be nothing? She was avoiding me, and when I told Alice about it, she told me Bella needed time to adjust to her new life, but I knew Bella was doing just fine. Alice had practically made me feel guilty for taking up Bella's space. God, this girl was good. But I don't think that's it; I know something is wrong and I'm going to find out._

_Bella came home after going out for hours like usually and I went downstairs to see her but I was surprised to realize she had come with a visitor. _

"_Who is it, love?" I asked her._

"_Well, this is Mike," She said._

"_A vampire?" _

"_Yes. I changed him. Isn't this exciting? Now I know what Carlisle felt when he was changing all of you."_

"_You changed him? Bella, but why?" I asked. I couldn't believe she had made another vampire. At least I hoped he had been dying when he was changed, because imposing that on someone who had the choice… No, I couldn't let myself get distracted. I was sure Bella had her reasons for doing this._

_She walked towards me and took my hand. "Edward, I have to tell you something. Things haven't been very well between us lately and I think it won't work. At least we tried, right?"_

"_What? What won't work?"_

"_Us. This relationship between us, it doesn't work; but I found someone with whom I can be happy. You were right, Mike is the one for me."_

_I looked at the visitor and I realized suddenly that his features were familiar. _

"_Mike Newton?" I asked. I couldn't believe it. _

"_Yes, Edward, it's Mike Newton, and you were right. He's perfect for me and we're happy together."_

"_What do you mean? How much time has this been going on?"_

"_A few months actually. I hope you can find the strength in your heart to forgive me. I'll always love you, Edward but Mike is the one with whom I can live with forever."_

"_But Bella, we're married!" I insisted. How could she erase months of happiness just like that? I had to be dreaming… um, yeah, vampires don't sleep. I kinda forget in all this mess. I couldn't believe she was leaving me for this… this… vile Mike Newton!_

"_We could get divorced, but honestly, it doesn't matter to us," She looked at the stupid baby face beside her and stroked his cheek. "Does it, baby?"_

"_Of course not," The stupid baby face replied in a voice that made me gag._

"_Well, Edward, I just came to tell you that we're going to live in a little house I bought. So I'm leaving. I hope you will forgive me, Edward, but it just didn't work. _

_Mike took my Bella's hand and they turned to leave. At the last second, he turned around and smirked. "Told you I'd get back at you, Cullen."_

"What the hell is that?" I asked as I finished reading. "Edward is writing a story on our life?"

"He isn't writing a story on your life," Emmett contradicted. "He's writing a _future _to your life." I opened and closed my mouth several times, but I couldn't speak. What was I supposed to say to that? Emmett shook his head with a peculiar expression on his face.

"I always knew he was retarded."

We didn't speak about Edward's 'diary' after that, and later when the latter arrived, I went to greet him downstairs. When he saw me, he immediately moved backwards.

"Bella, if you came here with the intention of changing my mind, it won't work. I won't change you," he informed, while all the time, all I could think of was: _Well at least now I know why._

**Review to tell me what you thought about it! And please, write a little more than 'It was good. Keep it on'. I want a real review for once, please! Tell you exactly what you liked and what you didn't like.**** It's only in this way that I can improve. Thank you for reading!**


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